October 29, 2005
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Today I told my boss simply “I give up” and I meant it…I won’t bide my time…I’ll just accept the fact that my job is a demotion…but I know why…when he needed me in his pocket to get where he wanted to go it was nice having me as a secretary and being the owner’s dear friend…now that he is a part owner (20%) I am an obstacle because he is doing things behind her back…I guess…this is what is meant to be…she won’t listen…I won’t tell…he is disturbed by my presence…I am hurt…I hired and trained him 20 years ago…I truly liked him…sometimes I think that I am an awful judge of character…I seem to trust and like people and they take advantage of that and instead of getting angry…I get hurt…Tere’s dad keeps telling me via telephone he loves me…does he think he is gonna not make it home or something…he hasn’t shown affection toward me since the cancer…like the disease would spread to him or something and that pain is gone now…confusion reigns here…and him, my “healer”…I truly think he takes advantage of his “abilities” to his favor and I was subconsciously intruded apone…my therapist has been telling me this for several years…I really am angry at me tonight…I had a little too much to drink…two Margaritas a beer and a sip of wine and I am wasted…yet I feel such clarity about myself…Tere’ called she is having a wonderful time…she did a demonstration on stage for defense and a show on “chicks with sticks” she must have looked cute…Ernie Reyes was one of her teachers today at the seminar…she feels part of something…she is growing and finding herself…I miss her so much…liquor isn’t good for one’s body but sometimes it brings the sleep of oblivion we need…I need that tonight…I will see him next Sunday (the healer) and I know in my heart of hearts that (a) he will ignore me and (b) I will never see him again…so I feel relief yes…but sadness too…why…because I think there is something wrong with me sometimes…well…off to sober up…this is embarrassing…I am not one to let liquor cloud my reality…not good for meditation…what happened here…shruuggssss…Sassy
Comments (10)
what can say…..that many times, ambition takes place of every other feeling, moving us to act in the most unhearted way ever…..
Facing reality is never fun but once faced it can be conquered. You have been hurt by too many….time to reassess and find out what is good for Sassy
I am drunk, too. Like the Country song “Alcohol”, alchohol can be medicine or poison. Sometimes it poisons a person’s life, but other times it sedates it to prevent the pain from becoming too great. Other times it numbs one to the world that is trying to destroy us. When the time it right, you will shake it off and return to your meditative strong self and kick booty. You trained that guy who owns 20%, right? So part of you is inside him. You are still his master, for you were his trainer. Just because he’s your boss doesn’t mean he’s your master. He’s just a manager. Managers only manage; they aren’t experts or specialists. Believe me; I’m a manager! Heh heh!!!
trick or treat!
Well, I suspect you’ve sobered up by now. At least some.
Hope you fell better soon.
*hugs*
You did look terrific for the show and you held it together ….The show was really great. I have heard you many times say that you wont see HIM after the show and I see you may be right. In my heart I am happy but sad because i know even tho all that has happened you are saddened by him going.
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Silky
Happy Birthday to you ,Happy Birthday to you ..Happy Birthday dear sister , Happy Birthday to you
Love ya
Silky
Ole’
Hmmm….:::::knocking:::: Tap Tap Tap…..Hellllooooo Anyone Home?
{{{}}}} Heheheh