September 7, 2007

• Saturday is International Angel Day.  Last year I spent it alone only knowing one area it was being celebrated and not feeling comfortable there.  This year I did research and found another location, closer to home and in a bookstore…since I love to read the atmosphere I am creating in my mind is already comfortable.  I can’t wait.  I am going to enjoy being with others that are in some way similar to myself.

  
  

  I am working at home today.  Yesterday I had to go up north and mom was unbearable.  I was over an hour late.  Today she is good.  I think that subconsciously she is frightened when I leave.  She is never alone for more than one to two hours and checked on even then.  I don’t think she means it but I have to admit it pisses me off so much.  Especially knowing my two blood sisters are calmly in work on time and furthering their careers.  Mine, at a stand still…why do I do this to me…I am not sure or I wasn’t but I think I know now…maybe because this isn’t the career I am supposed to further…there is something more substantially rewarding out there for me…I know what it is…today I ask Tere’ and Silky to give me time over the weekend to set up my power point…Silky will also take pix for my poster and I will call the public library and reserve time for myself after my work is complete.  I can’t do that mentally until I know what I am saying…just in case they give me a too early date…so I am preparing my Reiki seminar…

  
  

  BettyBoop got ill about a week ago but thankfully bounced back.  I only have the four guinea pigs now.  I also have two turtles, one fish and my lovely two dogs.  I am so blessed.  My daughter is a college student now.  She is commuting by train and she also started a wonderful new job.  She is back in the dojo teaching karate and I haven’t seen her so happy since she stopped doing this.  Barefoot, in a ghee and so completely at home.  Her new boss speaks broken English.  He is Korean.  He is extremely respectful and polite and my daughter feels very welcome at his place of business though she has some trouble comprehending.  She’ll catch on I have no doubt.  She is training for an upcoming demonstration.  She is also being taught TaeKwonDance which is from Korea and she will be eventually teaching that along with the curriculum of TaeKwonDo.  She is a third degree and takes it very seriously.  She is on the sparring team, they do olympic style.  She is going to be on the demonstration team too…she is happy.

  
  

  Me…I feel a split in the road…something is a brewing and it is a good thing.  I went in to such a depression after Kwon and Tae passed.  I miss them terribly.  I know it was their time but I wasn’t ready.  We never are.  But I know that the future is opening for me.  I dreamt last night of a bathroom which was not furnished in my taste at all.  It was black marble with gold swirls and little brass animals were placed on the ledge of the tub.  The animals kept falling over and I kept meticuously setting them up at the edge of the deep square step in tub.  I wasn’t frustrated.  I felt a feeling of need to do this.  I felt like I belonged and it was my bathroom…my take…change…something I was afraid to believe…something richer/better/more rewarding…with tiny little steps that must be taken to progress…I meditated this morning and opened myself up not to hear what was being told but to sound what I wanted to hear within my every cell and being…I deserve…I am so healthy and happy and content and secure and I deserve…I have a right to myself to believe this…it is my truth…I will continue to absorb this…I pictured myself walking along a path of sunshine barefoot and warm…my entire being was relaxed and I felt that I could handle to the best of my being any obstacles in my path…that is a beginning…have a wonderful Friday…hugs…Sassy

  • 9:08 am
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