The end of one path is the beginning of another…it is hard to separate the paths…my mind is very confused…what I should be happy about makes me sad and what I should be thrilled about makes me scared…Carlo wrote a wonderful story about his encounter with a seagull…it reminded me of a time when my daughter was a little one…she, her dad and I were camping on the beach with the girl scouts…she had a bag of popcorn…it was dark and she was running and playing with the other girl scouts…we did not know at the time she didn’t “eat” the popcorn but sprinkled it all around our beach bound tent…the next morning we experienced what it must feel like to be part of Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds”…in an effort to devour the tasty treat they were fighting each other and pecking at the tent…peeking out we saw so many of them we decided to stay inside until after their breakfast…what a hoot…huggs…Sassy
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GIVE
I feel your arms around me and melt against your chest
I close my arms and smell your scent and snuggly start to rest
I wiggle a bit closer so your nipples feel my breasts
I look into your star like eyes and hope you feel the test
I run my fingers down your spine and slowly through your crack
I feel your arms tighten across my lower back
You lift me up and start to walk and motion fills my head
I feel that tightening feeling and then I feel your bed
Your lips come down at first so soft and then so strong they press
Our fingers start to move around and then we do undress
Our lovemaking it is so sweet and memories we make
I give to you…you give to me and both we give and take
Once complete we slowly sink to slumber wrapped as one
and rest we share and rest is bliss together ’till we wake….©Sassy
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My mom is sick…and I haven’t been feeling like visiting xanga much…she was diagnosed with Shy Drager’s disease…I found her blacked out and unresponsive two times and thought her dead and realize how much I love her…the new medicine has helped with the black outs by raising her blood pressure and they took her off her muscle relaxers and mommy is home for the first time in over twenty years in her mind…but the side effects that the relaxers were covering from the medication she takes for the Parkinson are now showing and they are horrendous…I cry for her and want it to stop…if I could I would go inside of her and make it go away…please…it frightens me and I hate to see her with so much involuntary movement…it happens three to four hours after the stupid pills she needs to live because she “peeks: at that time…and the crazy exhausting movement lasts anywhere from six minutes to two and a half hours and then she is exhausted so if I take her blood pressure, which they want me to at that time, well…she looks like she needs a pill cause it is so low again and I give her a pill to raise it and then I am afraid she’ll have a stroke…the doctor is being really patient with my fears and understanding and keeps telling me things will actually be easier on both of us in time but then the outcome for this disease is death of heart attack or pneumonia…I am confused and feel like a full time nurse…I have been home for two weeks from work with her…I am afraid to leave her until she is stabilized cause she is scared and so am I…I forgive you mommy for all those things…please be well…I love you…I feel her pain and feel her fear and the little girl inside of me is scared and angry at her illness and wants her mommy to be well…I do another healing on her…I believe in myself…I can help her…but my sisters didn’t even come to the hospital and she is sad…when I had cancer neither of my parents were there when I had surgery and I felt sad and scared but I’m not angry…I don’t want her to feel that pain…it hurt me and this hurts me that she is feeling it too…my therapist tells me I need to help her in order to come to terms with myself…I think he is right…yet I have always helped her…feel better mom…
him……….I will see him soon….I fear he will ignore me and I fear he won’t…even though things are different the superficial me wants to look physically attractive…silly as that sounds…
I close my eyes and think of our friendship and how special he was to me…how I would have done anything for his smile I wanted to see…there is a part of me that still believes his heart is not that cold and yet I know that this story is getting so very old…I wish things were different..I miss you dear brother of my heart…..I always have and guess that I always will…and yes…I wanted more than just that…huggs…Sassy
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I am watching Peppermint and Patti (my daughter’s two turtles) do their dance of love. They reside in a thirty gallon breeding tank in my living room. We have river stones (smooth) on the bottom and three quarters is water and one quarter has a climb up ledge to lay under the reptile lamp. They are so in love and so happy and so active. I could sit for hours and watch them. They swim away and sway their legs and arms. They come close and touch and their fingers spread. They climb on each other and after they make love, they sleep touching…always touching…They are so calming and beautiful, I wish all of you could see them and enjoy them…Patti is a slider with a spotted yellow bottom shell and she is so energetic. She has beautiful red streaks down the sides of her face. Peppermint is half slider and half something else, he is a mix, but I can not remember what other he is. He has a solid yellow bottom shell, he is sturdy, and sweet. He has a wonderful trusting disposition and trusts us completely. Patti has only been here a few moths and still snaps a bit, but doesn’t bite, just a warning that she is unsure and frightened. I think if I had to be a turtle, I would like to live here. They are so cute.
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THE BROOM
Okay, so I come home from work and mom is in the kitchen. We never leave her alone too long because we just can’t. I know the Parkinsons Disease and the medication have messed her mind up. But this is the same woman that raised me and cleaning was never really her “forte” not that it matters…but this incident really can’t be blamed on the disease…she just doesn’t think when it comes to these things…well…the guinea pigs litter is made of dried corn because of Tere’s allergies I can’t use much else, wood chips and hay make her sneeze. So this corn, well they shoot it out of the cage when they run and play and it hurts like the dickens when you step on it and my mom, just like me, dislikes shoes. It is also much easier for her to walk barefoot with the Parkinsons. So she decides to sweep. Being of a lazier nature she doesn’t want to look, say in a closet or in any other place that a broom would be readily available. She does spot, however, the “outside” broom. A large green industrial broom that is extremely heavy. She somehow manages to carry the sucker into the house. Now not many days before that I had used it to deter a flood from over filling the hot tub…another story for another day…anyway…she decides to sweep the corn litter with this broom which was drying in the sun and still had a lot of dried mud in it. Now the first and most important factor here is that the broom is enormous and mom is not. She also is ill, she could very well have tripped over the top of the broom and hurt herself terribly. She was not in any conditon to push and direct this thing about. So one can only imagine the way she must have looked trying to sweep with it. Anyway, she managed to shove all the corn, along with a ton of dried mud in every nook and cranny in the house along with a shit load of it in the door jam. I come home from work. I was surprised, I didn’t flip I tried to talk to her. She of course responded with how I should be thankful she tried to help and stop complaining. I explained that no matter how tired and angry I was over the mess that she created when she tried to help, that will eventually be cleaned up. I was more upset over her jeopardizing her well being. She just don’t WANT to get it. She kept starring at the tv like I wasn’t there. I dragged my sorry and tired ass into the kitchen and cleaned some of it. It is now day three and most of it is gone, I keep finding different areas in the living room, under furniture, under everything little pieces of dried mud. Why does this piss me off. I should be used to it by now, her antics. I tell her again about how she could have cracked her head open and she says maybe I want that to happen since I keep mentioning it. I get so pissed I start yelling, sure, thatz it you pitty monger, I want you to fall and crack your head open so I can find you like that when I come home from work, maybe I’ll dump you behind the shed and be done with it. I don’t mean that. I really don’t. But when I try to tell her I am worried about her hurting herself she gets nasty. When I say this she perks up. Since I was a child, well before she was ill, she loved a good fight…or to hear about a good fight. Another day, another lump of dirt….huggs…Sassy
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A child’s fears: forgotten me…close the door…forgotten me…the little girl…forgotten me…my knees hurt from the salt…please let me get off of them…forgotten me…I am sorry you feel such anger toward me…forgotten me…I think there bleeding daddy…forgotten me…please…they hurt…forgotten me…the gun is cold on my temple…forgotten me…what did I do…forgotten me…I am not a boy…I am a girl and I don’t care what you say…forgotten me…I will climb in the willow tree…forgotten me…she is hollering again…please forget me…I don’t want her crazy ass to find me….forgotten me…the water…the sewer…forgotten me…don’t remember me and don’t find me where I am…forgotten me…the door is closed…forgotten me…do you think they know…does it show…keep smiling…if they remember your smile they won’t look in your eyes…but know they will never remember me…so find the affection where you can but hide the feelings because you can…then you will know but they won’t and they can’t forget whom they don’t know…I miss you………………………………………………….forgotten me
black bubbles…in the darkness are forgotten soon…keep your emotions in the bubbles……………..if they aren’t found they can’t be popped……………. -
Palomita has this on her site. If you would like to join in, here are the instructions that she has posted…Thanks Paloma…here goes:
1 Leave me a comment saying “interview me”
2- I will respond by asking you five questions.
3- Only respond if you are willing to answer any question that is asked of you. Here are my questions…I’ll do my best…
#1- If you could choose a time and place to live on this planet, when and where would it be, and what would your role be?
I have a lot of choices here. I am not really sure as to when I would like the time to be. I think though it would have to be a time of peace. Either in the past, if there ever really was or in the future, if there ever will really be. Yes, I would love to live on this planet. It is so beautiful and I love to see God’s creation of it. The rest look cold and dark to me. I would like to be a Mermaid. Living under the sea and feeling the flow of the water on me. I would also like to have many mermaid children around me to swim and play with and but of course, a gorgeous merman for a mate…
#2 – What is your Dream for your lifetime now? To live life to its’ fullest. To be healthy, happy, content. To finish my Reiki lessons and be able to help others find peace and good health within themselves through Creator’s energy. To enjoy each day and be as thankful as I feel now every day. To live long enough to see everyone live in Peace. On a lighter note…to eat whatever the hell I want and not gain an ounce, like when I was younger.
#3 – How many pair of undies do you own? No cheating, go count!
#4 – Who are four people who have taught you Life Lessons that have molded your life, and what are they?
This is really difficult for me…I would have to say that my
#5 – Do you have a sacred ceremony of your own, and if so would you tell us something of.
I have several but I will share just this one. I lay my chakra stones out under the light of the full moon and sit in my hot tub and meditate on God’s White Light. I surround myself and then I feel the moonbeams fill me with energy. With this shared energy I breathe in and listen to the sound of the leaves and the words of the trees. I invision the moonbeams shooting through me along with the Light and then I release my love for all through my heart and invision it leaving my chest like a rocket…as I do this I am filling with more love. More energy and of course…more moon beams…
Thanks Paloma…this was fun…huggs…Sassy
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16 years ago today…at exactly 8:28am I gave birth to my lovely daughter, Teresa Maria…whom we dubbed ” Tere’ “…she is by far the sweetest gift the Lord has granted me…I will do my best with his precious/my precious and she will be a fine adult…she leaves tomorrow for an anti drug and alcohol camp for five days…she will be involved in leadership workshops/peer pressure programs/speech programs/guidance programs for helping direct middle aged children and also there will be a dance, swimming, an obstacle course/boating, hiking, camping, and she will be surrounded by 170 children in her age group…I will miss her and yet…I am so very excited for her…it also gives me a week reprieve for her permit…I know she will do well driving, but it is all the other nuts on the road I worry about…and life moves forward….Happy Birthday BooBoo…I love you…Mommy!!!
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