I have edited this blog because yesterday…I was just too upset to explain…here is what happened:

IN LOVING MEMORY OF

OUR PRECIOUS LITTLE

NEO

MAY, 2003 - MARCH 14, 2005

He seemed just fine.  It was Sunday. I gave him and his daughter Gracie and son Alfie cantaloupe melon for lunch. He lay in the bowl and ate to his hearts content. In the small cage on top of theirs his love, Betty Boop dined on the same fare with three new babies, Tae, Kwon and Doe. All seemed fine. He dove in and out of the play pipe they have with three exits and I laughed that as chubby as he was the other two couldn’t catch him. On Monday morning I gave them raw spinach and some cut up carrots and when I opened the cage he did his usual ritual of running over to the cage door and kissing me. I left for the accountant.  When I returned about seven hours later he was very lethargic and his right eye looked glazed over. I picked him up and felt inside myself very distinctly that he was more than a bit ill.  I called and took him to the vet immediately.  He was examined. It was decided that it might be indigestion from too much melon. There was nothing wrong with his eye the drops concurred, yet he seemed almost blind in it and it was glazed…no ulcer, no cataract…very odd. I asked if it was a stroke or something and was told he didn’t think so but to watch him closely. To put him through testing at such an early stage of illness when his exam showed everything okay accept his lethargic manner and his glazed eye was too aggressive.  I took him home still feeling it was a stroke or something. Within an hour I found he died in his cage. He had tried to run up the built in stairs to the hideout where they sleep but he didn’t make it. Gracie and Alfie shook in the corner completely traumatized. I picked his limp body out and held him closely filled with regret for not being able to help and much sorrow.  I let BettyBoop smell him while I held him and she kissed him and it looked like she was trying to put her breath in his mouth.  She even bit his incisor teeth, then started crying. I moved him out of site and wrapped his frail little body in a towel. This morning, since the ground is so frozen, I took him to the vet for a private cremation. He examined his body. He says he was so swollen yet it felt normal inside. He is thinking he had a digestive problem since he had gotten sick twice prior on fruits, maybe his intestines had a bit of a tear and peritonitis set in very quickly due to his size. This is a guess.  I trust his care, yet something inside me tells me it was a stroke, that eye just looked so strange. I didn’t get an autopsy. The life span for a guinea pig is six to eight years. He was only a mere two.  I love him and miss him very much. I have his off spring and will see him in them. I know his little spirit is safe and well and happy.  Out of all the guinea pigs I have owned, we named him Neo because he was “the one”…the beginning..our first and the most friendly little fellow I have ever met. No signs of the timid running and nibbling of fingers with him…He would come over to the door, give kisses on command and just let you take him out and hold him then he would coo and snuggle and talk to us like we were his…we were…and he was ours…his Spirit connected with us…until our Spirits meet again dear Neo…I love you mommy’s good boy…

Hopefully this weekend I’ll be able to post the rest of my pix.  Last Saturday was a big surprise.  We purchased Neo our first guinea pig one close to three years ago…if you read here you’ll know we next got Betty Boop and she became pregnant so we had Neo fixed while she was still expecting.  She gave birth to Gracie and Alfie.  We thought that Alfie was a girl until he became a bit older and a bit more “horney”.  We got him fixed…we thought we were safe…Saturday proved we were a “bit late”…Gracie escaped but Betty Boop did not…she gave birth to three babies…I have no idea what sex they are yet…at four weeks they will be at the vet and checked…at four weeks a female can become pregnant but a male can not impregnate her unless he is seven weeks so I have seven weeks…I have a “maybe” on two of them…Tere’ has decided that she wants to keep them…THERE ARE SEVEN GUINEAPIGLETS…though…she says that we can’t break up a set and there names are TAE…KWON…and DOE…I’m weakening…they are adorable…then I think of the amount of fruits and veggies and the poopie…ew the poopie and I pride myself on my pets being friendly and lovable…how can I possibly give them all that attention with so many…two dogs (Taku and Nacho)…four crabs (Pluto, Salty, SpiderMan & Star)…four fish (Lego, Rain, Storm and Lemon)…two turtles (Peppermint & Stix)…and now seven guinea pigs, Neo, Betty Boop, Gracie & Alfie, Tae, Kwon & Doe…part of me is hoping the woman takes the two when they are big enough…then the other part thinks..but they are my Grand Piglets…what the hell is wrong with me…I need sleep…Tere’ is still at work and I am tired…soon she’ll be home…ooo…she just called…off to pick her up and then some sleep…long day…sorry I haven’t visited…my new schedule at work has been a bit difficult for me to get used to…huggs everyone…Sassy

I know it’s a bear and not a guinea pig but I thought he was sooocute…

I wish I had time to visit everyone more.  My work schedule is changed.  I also tried to post more florida pix and they were too big so i hit edit and a goofy paintbox came up…off to work…no time to play and figure it out…I will post again soon and visit everyone soon…thanx so much for your comments…huggs…Sassy

I have many more pix from Florida that I will put on when my sister comes and shows me how…I can’t figure it out for the life of me how to do this…grrr…and I am very excited about showing them too..but alas…they are going no where…so I will be patient…my schedule has been so hectic I haven’t even asked her yet….OO SIS…I want to write about what happened to me on Saturday.  Many of you will think me daft…I don’t care…writing about things puts them back in order for me and helps me digest and understand…so I went to the BlackBeltExtravaganza for the karate school where my daughter, Tere’ was performing  She performs at all of them but this was her first as an instructor…she has been employed at the school and is so happy and I am so proud of her.  She did wonderful.  As has been my practice for the last eight years, unless Tere’ is graduating to another black belt degree (she is second degree) I help with two of the other moms (one is my dear sister of the heart Shining Silk) and the other lady has a son on the performance team. We help run the desk checking in the graduates by belt/name and checking in the guests by the graduates name…all the graduations are free except the BlackBelt Extravaganza which is performed in a hotel (this time the Hilton) and Herb Perez, the 1992 Olympic Gold Medalist is there for the testing.  He hands the belts out after the graduates have tested.  They have already, at that point earned their four stripes for sparring, forms, combinations and power weekend (which is a very intense physical test) by our school’s master, but they still need the approval of a Belt higher than their own master.  We pay for Master Herb Perez to fly in from wherever he is.  He resides in SanFrancisco.  He came in from Thialand this time.  So we have to make sure that tickets are purchased/payed for…Well, I knew the two children of the one that was my Healer would be there.  They are on the performance team too  I knew that he would be there too.  I still have so many emotions involved in this whole episode.  Missing the children I acted as surrogate parent for, for so many years and missing him.  Having my “Healer” as he calls himself turn his back on me midstream.  Loosing someone (him) I considered more than a friend, someone I considered family in my heart and would have done and did anything for.  His children and him.  Plus I still have the emotions of sexual attraction toward him.  Sadly and angrily, I must admit, I am still in love with him.  I don’t like this about me but must admit it.  Anyway we always dress up and for this occasion and I did for this show.  I had black pants with embroidered pink flowers and hot pink shoes and purse and pink earrings and a pink knit suit jacket.  I had my hair dry as natural and was out like a brown bushy thing with a pink flower in it and I wore makeup which isn’t my “practice”…I was not hiding from them anymore…I was there in all my pinkness to be seen and smiling.  I am not one that puts much into a person’s appearance as long as they are politely clean..I love what is inside of people…but as we all do…there are times you want to feel good about your appearance…this was one of those times…when I knew that people will be saying…oh…there is Tere’s mom…I am proud of her…and wanted her to be proud of me too…He came and this time he was nice enough to smile and wave instead of his usual “you are glass” look that breaks my heart.  His younger son was very sweet and smiled and we said hello as we always do.  It takes all my power to sit still and not run over and wrap my arms around the little fellow…I miss him terribly. We both miss each other and it is plain to see.  He was like a nephew or surrogate son for me.  His daughter, the “poison in the sauce”  gave me her usual, a lip puckering ugly “f… you” look after I as an adult and someone that was in her life for many years was polite and said hello…I won’t say it didn’t hurt.  I did everything for the young lady and showed her much love and support for many years  I would not tolerate that behaivor from my daughter…rudeness and ignorance and downright vicious behaivor is nothing to be proud of and her parents should be ashamed…but I doubt they are…I was happy in myself that I didn’t feel any sense of responsibility for her shitty attitude this time…that is a good sign…Well…I went on with the day.  I was so very proud of my daughter and also of myself for being able to put the situation on the back burner.  I actually was having a good time and not obsessing that they were there.  I was talking to the other parents, watching the performance team.  I enjoyed the new black belts performances.  It was fun.  I was actually relaxed in the same space as them for the first time in close to eight months.  I was asked to go with Shining Silk afterward into the coat closet with the half/barn door and hand out the certificates and belts.  It was cold and there was no heat in there…bbrrrrr….I was speaking with one of the dad’s that was angry about his son’s certificate not being there and assuring him it was at the school and we would get it to him and apologizing for the inconvenience.  Suddenly I stopped midsentence but knew that no one else realized this and no one else was aware of what I was aware of.  A tunnel surrounded my head.  Now you have to understand that this one that was my Healer is very powerful and knowledgeable in many areas of paranormal “things”…I was drawn through the tunnel and at the end were his eyes…his face…he was looking into my eyes…actually…that is what I thought and was feeling all gaga and afterword I realized that he was looking into my mind through my eyes…he shot forward, saw what he wanted to I would guess then shot back and the cloud disappeared and I continued my sentence to the parent.  During the time he was in there all I could do was utter his name…in my mind’s voice…I felt calm and relaxed afterward…I know that no one else saw him there…no one…like he was covered to all but me….I tried not to think about the “invasion” and now here it is…okay…do I question his abilities that he did this…absolutely not…I have always accepted them as his Spiritual Being as I do all others around me.  All of us are special.  Do I question what he saw…since I have no friggin clue what I was thinking at that time like it was sucked out with a hoover..I don’t know what he saw but I do know me and do know what is in my mind and my heart and do know, and he SHOULD too… that if he asked me, then I would have told him only truths and “shared” what was there…it didn’t have to be taken…I guess I am confused as to the why…it has been close to eight months…we have not uttered a sentence to each other…he has made it clear I am NOT in his life or the children’s life anymore…my heart is still broken and healing…I go on with my life and enjoy myself but will never let myself feel like this about anyone again…EVER….love is precious and I must be careful…I will always protect myself from here on out…but WHY…why did he do this and why did he want to do this and what purpose was it…if he asked I would have told him…I miss our friendship…I still love him and I am still attracted to him…I miss the kids and my heart aches and so does Tere’s…they erased us….but he didn’t do that…I feel so disrespected and robbed…why did he do this….???? and why does he care what I think anyway…and life goes on and my journey continues….huggs…Sassy

Our little vacation was absolutely wonderful.  Had a bit of a problem with my computer so I couldn’t post yesterday.  Here are a few pix…

more to come…hope everyone had a great weekend…huggs…Sassy

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Okay…so Paloma passed the baton to me and I will do my best to pass it on…here goes….

1. Total amount of music files on your computer?   ooobooyyyyyyyyyy….I am gonna say five but Tere’ changes this very often…I am so glad she isn’t doing that Kaza thing anylonger or I wouldn’t have a computer to even see how many music files I had…or don’t have…

2. The last CD you bought was: Sounds of the Strings for Meditation

3. What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?  Sounds of the Ocean CD

4. Write down five songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.
     1. FAME by David Bowie because it reminds me of fun times

     2. Hard Rock any of the CD’s because they were given to me by someone I miss

     3.  Purple Haze…because I loved looking through it
     4.   Anything by the Stones because…I love the Stones

     5.    Meditation sounds because they relax me

5.. What 3 people are you going to pass this baton to and why?  Shining Silk, because she will enjoy this Alysha because she is such fun and Tere’ because I am curious as to whether she’ll answer it or not.

well…I still feel pretty lousy…but tomorrow is coming anyway…I pray I feel better before I get on the plane…coughing is killing my insides at this point…I am focusing on feeling better…I can’t wait to feel the sunshine…I will use the new digital camera and if I don’t look too frightening…I’ll post…if not it’ll be Tere’…giggles…don’t want to frighten away my readers…anywho…we are looking forward to the trip…I confirmed everything and Tere’ is packed…all I have left to do is pack and a little laundry and bring mom her meds up at my younger sister’s house…then…off we go…ttyl…weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I am still not feeling completely well..I ache…Tere’ got the flu and it has been awful trying to help her and take care of myself…her asthma always goes kafluey…we leave on Thursday for Florida and I’m hoping we are better by then…I decided a “good soak” of my bones might help so I went outside…brrrr…and went in the hottub…of course as I usually do…I started to mediate…I usually focus myself in my mind’s eye on my back looking up into the trees and hearing the water and then I see the babbling brook and the mountains…or my other favorite is the ocean…hearing the sound of the waves hitting the beach and envisioning the smell of the salt air…today was no different…I did my tree focus and during the mediation I found myself in a strange place…way up in the sky ABOVE the trees looking far ahead of me at a mountain with a clearing on top…to the right was a quaint home…facing to the left…something inside myself told me it was a place of comfort and happiness for me…I have never been there to my recollection…maybe another life…lately I see a man…with large blue eyes…maybe 5’6″ or 5’7″ and a very nice build and a beautiful smile…he always looks up out of this room or cave and is smiling at me…he has a pot of food ready to cook over the fire and is trying to start the fire…I am in the doorway…I have no idea who he is but I know him somehow…very strange indeed…but I like it…the vision of the man does not come to me when I meditate…he comes to me right before I fall asleep like a flash in front of my face…I am so curious…he seems to have such joy on his face when he looks at me…I would love to be able to feel the joy and not just see the joy…tomorrow is Monday…I hope we feel better…busy week with work and last minute things for Florida, packing…off to sleep…love and huggs all…Sassy

VALENTINES DAY IS COMING:  Love can be a wonderful experience I am told…but it can also leave you feeling like stone:

THE LEGEND OF STANDING ROCK…Dakota-Sioux

  Years ago, a man from the Dakota-Sioux married a girl from the Arikara Tribe.  After they had one child, the man brought another wife to their home.  The first wife pouted because she was jealous.  When time came for their people to break camp, she refused to move from their place.  After their tent was taken down, she sat there, on the ground, with her baby on her back.  Her husband and the rest of their people moved on.

  At noon her husband stopped the line of people and said to his two brothers, “Go back to your sister-in-law.  Tell her to come on. We will wait for you here.  But hurry!  I fear that she may become desperate and kill herself.” 

  The two rode off and in the evening arrived at their last camping place.  The woman still sat on the ground.  The elder brother said to her, “Sister-in-law, we have come to get you.  The camp is waiting for you.  Get up and join us.” 

  When she did not answer, brother-in-law put out his hand and touched her lightly on her head.  She had turned into stone!

  The two brothers lashed their ponies and rode back to camp. They told their story, but were not believed.   ”She has killed herself,” said her husband, “and my brothers will not tell me.”

  The whole village broke camp and returned to the place where they had left the woman.  There she sat, a block of stone in the form of a woman.  Her husband’s people were very excited.  They choose a pony, a handsome one, made a new travois, and placed the stone in its carrying net.  Pony and travois were beautifully painted and then decorated with streamers of various colors.  The stone was considered holy, and given a place of honor in the center of the camp. 

  Whenever the people moved and made a new camp, the stone and travois were taken with them.  For years the stone woman traveled with that group.  It stands today in front of the Standing Rock Indian Agency in South Dakota.

(McLaughlin, Myths and Legends of the Sioux)

Where I live now-Clark

My name

favorite food

My Maternal grandmother’s name Philomena

My Paternal grandmothers name Albina

My Paternal Step-Grandmother’s name Julia 

favorite non-alcoholic drink  

favorite alcoholic drink

 favorite song-anything by the Stones

favorite smell-rain

 favorite shoes-none-…I dislike shoes

first pet-Taffy

hair style only MUCH wider

 pet peeve:  Taking

least favorite smell

something from last dream

nickname No one ever gave me one…what does that mean???                                    

fear

career-Hair Replacement 

favorite color

hobby:  Reiki…thanks Paloma…this was fun…Sassy

Hey everyone…it’s “Shining Silk’s Birthday…stop over and wish her a Happy Birthday…

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=ShiningSilk…

I went to the doctor’s and got some antibiotics…apparently I have a severe sinus infection…ukk…I hope they work soon…I’m taking something called Tylenol/Sinus too…I hate medication…have a great day everyone…got to get ready to get some work done and take mom to the Neurologist…Huggs…Sassy