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  • They say sometimes that songs in your head are messages…so for a week I have been hearing this song play OVER AND OVER in my head and besides making me hungry I can’t for the life of me figure out what the messages are…any ideas… PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME…lol…it’s beginning to drive me batty…huggs…Sassy


    SQUEEZE – PULLING MUSSELS


     


    They do it down on camber sands,
    They do at Waikiki
    Lazing about the beach all day,
    At night the crickets creepy
    Squinting faces at the sky
    A Harold Robbins paperback
    Surfers drop their boards and dry
    and everybody wants a hat
    But behind the chalet
    My holiday`s complete
    and I feel like William Tell
    Maid Marian on her tiptoed feet
    Pulling mussels from a shell


    Shrinking in the sea so cold
    topless ladies look away
    a He-man in asudden shower
    Shelters from the rain
    You wish you had a motor boat
    To pose around the harbour bar
    And when the sun goes off to bed
    You hook it up behind the car
    But behind the chalet
    My holiday`s complete
    and I feel like William Tell
    Maid Marian on her tiptoed feet
    Pulling mussels from a shell.

    Two fat ladies window shop
    Somethingfor the mantelpiece
    In for bingo all the nines
    A panda for sweet little niece
    The coach drivers stand about
    looking at a local map
    About the boy`s he`s gone away
    Down to next door caravan.
    But behind the chalet
    My holiday`s complete
    and I feel like William Tell
    Maid Marian on her tiptoed feet
    Pulling mussels from a shell.


     

  • Letting go…is it a necessity to grow…do we really let go…are the memories stored for us to peek at and when we are ready learn the lesson…are they kept in our heart as a reminder of warm feelings…cold feelings…hard feelings…loving feelings…letting go…I am not sure it is necessary…maybe I’m not ready to let go…maybe I am Peter Pan and will never grow…or maybe it is important for me not to let go so I can grow…life’s lessons are sometimes painful…but they say in the pain is a lesson…the word painful has in inside of it…maybe because we are supposed to keep the pain inside of us and learn and grow and not let go…being humble is hard…learning the difference between a “reasonable expectation” and a “realistic expectation” has been a difficult lesson for me…yet I grow…or do I…huggs…Sassy

  • It’s been so very long since I posted or visited anyone’s site.  I have missed you all so much and want to thank each of you for your well wishes prayers and concern.  I tend to “turn into myself” during my annual testing times trying to hold back fear of ithe cancer returning.  I also have such anger that it happened and then the whole bit about how angry I am about all the tests and how long each one takes to get results. Yet, I must be growing because I handled it differently this time though.  I have been taking private Reiki lessons for sixteen months now so I have been doing personal healings several times a day and praying quite a bit.  Thanks to God, it has been beneficial for me.  I will visit all of you this week.  Tonight, I feel like writing.  So this is what happened.  My posts have been listing the tests I have been going through.  It would seem my “annuals for January” just got so out of control I felt like I was on a roller coaster.  After the biopsy came back that I mentioned in my last post.  The doctor found a lesion.  Since it was benign he is going with scar tissue from the radiation.  Well there was blood in my urine and I was told to see a urologist.  Well the urologist scheduled me first for a bladder sonogram.  His thoughts were maybe during radiation the bladder was nicked.  Sometimes after several years the tissue will wear and it will start to bleed due to this as a warning of trouble to come.  Since I had diverticuli induced by radiation (remember my resection several years back ukk) he was thinking this.  Well the sonogram came back clean so he sent me for a complete CATScan.  That showed that I still have a small benign tumor that hasn’t grown since 2002 inside my left kidney and a small one inside my right kidney that has grown just under one-half centimeter since 2002.  Most people have these in their body somewhere but just never know it.  I do because they did so much testing on me after the cancer.  It also showed I have a gallstone.  Probably the same one they found several years ago.  What they did find was a kidney stone that was there several years ago in a different spot so they are guessing this is the bleeding I had. Doctors do a lot of this guessing I realize as time goes on.  After all, they are just humans too.  The doctor then did a Cystoscopy of my bladder and found, thankfully there is no nicked bladder.   So, besides a gallstone too small to do anything with, a kidney stone too small also to bother, I am in perfect health.  YES!!! I have the pictures of the CATScan and a copy of the Sonogram report and the Cystoscopy report.  I am bringing them ALL to the Oncologist on Monday for my six month check up.  I am not taking any chances since I don’t want another test.  I tried to keep a positive outlook and “believe” I was well.  I find this diffucult with one test after the other just hanging around out there.  I am glad it is over now.  This is my seventh year Cancer Free (smiling me).  I am at risk, due to the type of cancer, for eight years.  Of course that is only a number.  It could have happened after a month it could have happen after a year, I could happen after ten years or NEVER again…I’m going for that…after Monday I don’t have to go to the doctor until September and am hoping that the times between testing slow down since I have years between this illness and my good health now. I feel like I have more tests than an eighty year old.  But I am here and that is what is important to me. Today I awoke and looked up through my skylight at the sun shining down on me. It felt good.  I am thankful.  I thanked God.  I have been learning about the Angels and want to learn to utilize their help with my Reiki.  They are wonderful and comforting to me.  I am taking a course in June that will teach me more about them  The course is being given by Doreen Virtue.  I am so ecstatic about meeting her and having the opportunity of learning from her. Tere’ is going to her Junior Prom.  She has a very pretty dress picked out and I made her a hair appointment.  She is getting excited.  It is on May 26.  Well…that’s all for today.  Once again thank you all and I will visit you over the next few days and I will also post more regularly.  I make these promises to myself because Xanga makes me feel good.  Many huggs…Sassy

  • Don’t let the fear set in…I went for my PAP and during it he found a “lesion” so now I wait for the PAP and the CA125 and also a Biopsy…Monday Chest X-ray then Sonogram…had a private Angel Healing done…did Reiki on myself…gave my fears to Archangel Michael and asked ArchAngel Rafael to help me to stay open so I can heal myself through Creator…don’t let the fear set in…trying…trying…breathe…just breathe…all will be well…all will be well…huggs to all…your prayers do help and thank you…Sassy

  • I haven’t written much…been testing and so far…everything is Okay…the colonoscopy showed three polyps which all came back negative…so the fear is gone for that test and I’m left with the gross no one ever mentions…but that is okay…there gone now…I have six more tests in the next three months then I’m okay until one in July and then September I have two then I’m free until next January…but then it will be my eighth and FINAL high risk year…so I haven’t visited much but I promise myself that I will because I miss everyone…I did want to “release” something that has been bugging me inside of me lately…so here it goes


    Being 51 I grew up during the Vietnam era…experimented…yes with sex…drugs…rock and roll…alcohol…finding myself…still haven’t figured out where the hell I was hiding but that was the way it was back then…I must find myself…HELLOOOOOO….I’m right here…never left…I always thought I was blessed enough not to be affected…maybe I am…I have had six operations…three of which were major…one of which was cancer…so I have been “put out” several times…the operation for cancer was over eleven hours…prior to this operation I could read a book in two or three days…now it takes me sometimes weeks…I fall asleep reading…have to reread what I read and find my time so short to read with…I also had less to do this is true…I was also younger…this is also   true…I could also sit through a movie…now I either fall fast asleep if I sit still…or I have to get up and walk around cause I can’t sit still…my mind wonders…true I get up earlier…do more and have a much longer busier day…Is this age?  I don’t know…is this nervousness since the cancer…I don’t know…is this the fact that my brain was put out involuntairily for over eleven hours and maybe part of it didn’t wake up or a side effect is fudge sometimes or the inability to concentrate on one thing at other tmes…or is it just because most of the movies are so stupid I know what the end will be from the beginning and find the whole entire thing a waste of time…frustrating and annoying…do I feel my time is too precious to waste…I don’t know…does it scare me…hell yeah…


    My daughter says I don’t listen to anything she says…I thought I did…true some of it is “hogwash” and I want to say more but try and let her “grow at her own speed” and intervene only when she needs a helping push in the right direction…I do have much on my mind…but I am always polite and try and understand her age…


    Does long surgeries do this to people…I don’t know…does radiation and chemo pills do this to people…I don’t know…age does…am I old…last time I thought about it I thought I was still a kid at heart…now I am not sure I want to be ’cause that is a lot of wasted energy…besides…my feet hurt…


    Doctor yelled at me…I gained seven pounds since October…I hate that…the fat part…but…I really like to eat…need some type of gratification at this age besides I love to cook so much and it smells so tasty…


    I’m getting off the subject…did anyone ever hear that anesthesia for a long period of time…say over eleven hours can damage part of your brain or am I making excuses for myself…I would love to watch a movie without getting up so many times…or falling asleep…have a great day…huggs…Sassy

  • testing testing testing testing…that time of year…I hit year seven on January 27…mammogram…I passed with flying colors…Tuesday colonoscopy…then PAP…then chest X-ray…then CA125, then two sonograms then…God willing I pass everying I have a physical in July and  two tests in September…testing testing testing testing….uugghh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Then comes January…February…March..testing…testing…testing…


     


  • I was tagged by one of my favorite XangaLanders Palomita looks like fun…


     FIVE THINGS I DO IN MY SPARE TIME **
    (not necessarily in any order)

    spare what…what the hell is spare time…can I look that up…lol…how about what I would like too do in my spare time…only teasing…this is what I do…

    1-Being with Tere’…my daughter…we have such a great time doing “anything”…

    2-Reiki-It makes me feel absolutely wonderful…

    3-cooking…I am like the “mad” scientist in the kitchen…and it relaxes me so much…and then there is that eating thing…and I must admit…I am pretyy damned good at it too…I mean the cooking…well (shamefacedme, the eating too) 

    4-meditation…I try for at least two times a day.  It helps me so much with my focus and finding my own inner peace.

    5-just walking on the beach playing chase with the waves…

    Okay…next “tag your it” to seven or eight of my XangaLand friends…here goes:










     

    Have fun dear friends.

    ****I have been avoiding thinking about work…no sense dwelling on the negative…however, when ShiningSilk mentioned taking advantage of the opportunity to vent on her Xanga, I thought on that.  Not a bad idea…so I take this opportunity to vent and also to laugh at the absurdness of it all.  If you read my posts, which come few and far between from sleepy me, you might remember that I had in the past been completed saddened from the disillusionment of my job.  But I pulled myself up, decided to put things in their proper perspective and concentrate on my life and being happy.  This includes making my Reiki more of my “field” as time goes on…one step at a time…I do have insurance at my present work and the bills keep coming in…so for now…well to get on with it…they decided that I would be the Telemarketing Supervisor.  Nice title, no raise.  Can’t hire, can’t fire, unless no one else has the guts to and decision is not mine even then, just told what to do.  I have six locations and four girls, one does three small locations and then the other three have one each.  They are the Telemarketers.  I wrote a manuscript giving detailed steps as to what exactly they are to do.  No easy task I might add as I pat myself on the back.  One of the jobs description is that they are given a list daily I receive from the Internet of the telephone numbers that have called our toll free 800 line.  They are to call the people back.  They are not harassed, simply sent information and asked if they want a free consultation.  The longer you wait to call a “lead” the “cooler” they get and the harder it is to get the person to come in and see what we have to offer.  We are an up front, honest company that gives the prices right away, shows what we have available for your pocket and does not lead anyone in that can’t afford the product or simply doesn’t need it.  We turn people away many times.  We sell hair replacements.  Well…I really don’t like the telemarketing end of anything but took the new path they directed me in hoping that soon things would get busy enough for me to be able to do what I used to.  Anyway…this one girl, she has not made any calls since she started in September…not a one…we have lost close to 300  leads since she started.  When I do my monthly report, I check every call they have made (we have telephone codes) against their locations “800″ calls… not a one…I am then told after two months of this report to start doing a separate report detailing her calls since she makes so many every month…this child is calling all over the country…different states and so on…it takes me over seven hours monthly to dissect her calls.  This month alone she made twelve hours and forty minutes worth of personal calls.  My eyes are burning from the telephone bill and the computer screen. I spoke to my boss back in November and he said he met with her.  Because, understand I am Supervisor in name only, remember…so I don’t meet with her…I am forbidden to question her…write her up or fire her without permission…he would not give me any details as to what happened when he met with her and her location manager and he said for me to continue monitoring her but for now we will let things slide and just watch.  January…February…now it is March.  The Telemarketers get bonuses based on their output.  They get commissions for whomever they get to come in whether or not they purchase.  I checked the daily reports and she only has two entries in nine weeks stating both people were angry and don’t want to be called again.  Neither person was on her phone bill and neither person were on the “800″ list. She never called them. Today she calls me and she is really mad.  She states that she has been waiting three months for a bonus.  I haven’t received one since December.  I was bowled over.  So she was given a bonus in December and I wasn’t told and for producing absolutely nothing.  Here I am doing this meticulous bullshit work and she is barefaced lying and getting paid for it and rewarded for it. I have been with the company for close to 24 years and have in the past two years been demoted in my position…and get this…besides for the holidays…I don’t receive bonuses.  When I telemarket people in my people are given to the telemarketer at the location I am working out of and she gets the credit.  At that point I am told Supervisors don’t get bonuses…but I am not really a Supervisor, am I…this is getting funny.  Now this ridiculous company is paying to loose leads.  The company is paying for her outgoing calls.  The company is paying her hourly to sit and make personal calls.  Something is wrong with this picture.  I said to her simply that I will be meeting with my boss on Saturday morning and will be sure to bring this up to him.  I hung up the phone and started to get angry.  Then I thought for a minute about my lessons.  My Reiki.  My personal peace.  I can not let all this corporate bullshit and negativity bring me down.  So…the humor in it is that it is so ridiculous…I am working my buns off doing these silly reports and very much doubt anyone is even reading them.  Silky said I should start putting funny numbers in…like she made 7,000 calls all leads in one day…or she made 250,00 personal calls in one month…just to see if someone looks at this stuff.  Oh well…the check is needed, but it is hard after all these years to feel totally worthless in your job…I have always in the past respected my position…I don’t any longer…but that is me…that is what I choose to do.  It is rather funny if you think about it.  And the Reiki, well a week from today I meet with a little girl with selective muteness.  I am excited…huggs and smiles…hey you know what…I feel better now…you gotta give her this…she has big balls….Sassy 

  • My daughter did wonderful…I’m proud of her…the show…well…it was disorganized and not as slambam as usual…I felt badly because i never invite anyone and this time I did and it was a bit of a disappointment…but my daughter…she did well…she practiced hard and it showed…it is cold this morning…I have homework to do and must go up north…my workload this week is heavy and I am unnaturally tired…but this too shall pass…another busy weekend…going to Brooklyn on Saturday for an engagement party for my nephew…it will be fun…well nothing really new…huggs to all…Sassy

  • This weekend, Sunday to be exact my daughter will receive her Third Degree Black Belt.  She has passed all her testing and this is the “big show”.  She has choreographed a “defense” number…she will be blind folded and kicking an apple off of a bow staff that is ten feet high and she is still trying to break that cinder block.  She can with her feet but says she’ll look like a “dork” so I am hoping she can.  If not, that is okay…I still couldn’t be any prouder.  She also will be performing with her S.W.A.T.(special winning attitude team) and also as an instructor…big day for a special person in my life…Congrats to my BooBooKitty (my nickname for her)…I can’t wait.  I am beaming already.  Huggs…Sassy


  • Happy Valentine’s Day©


    A time to show our love a time to show our passion a time to show our love…


    The moon is full…the sky is clear I hear you whisper in my ear…a time to show our love a time to show our passion…


    The night is cool the heart is warm the feelings are so strong…I feel your hands I feel your heart and oooHHHH I soo sOOOO long…I feel your touch I feel your breath and now I just belong…


    I smell your essence I lick your taste upon my tongue… I feel your warmth so close to me…the moon is full the sky is clear I hear you whisper in my ear…


    I love you…be mine tonight…I love you…I feel your twang……………………………………huggs…Sassy